And That's This:

Dear God, let Creative energy flow freely through me, and lead to me a path of harmony and abundance. Focus the potency of my many desires to serve only those which are true and divine; purify my motivation. Strengthen me and prepare my soul to take the next step towards you God. In my heart I am ready. Prepare me to move forward. Amen

Each day in Samoa at 7pm a bell rings. After this bell families sing together, no one walks the streets, families sing and pray together as darkness falls. At 7 I pray too, or meditate, or give thanks, or whichever words you like best. In Samoa it is called Sa, which, ironically if you look at the Christianity situation here, means both 'God' and 'Forbidden'. Sa doubles as a curfew as well as a scheduled time for prayer. Anyway, I take what I like from this tradition and leave the rest at the door. Last night something like the above prayer formed on my lips, to alleviate this 'stuck' feeling I seem to be able to do nothing about. WHile I'm talking about prayer, I must mention that I am sincere when I say that I believe we are all capable of direct communication with God - God which for me is the creative force that drives all systems, otherwise known to me as love.

So I asked to please know how to move forward, but I asked not with my mind but with my heart. I asked from a place of truly wanting an answer with all my being, I think I asked with unnoticed tears in my eyes. My mind felt blank and I layed down on my grass mat, and suddenly found myself pondering an idea I had never before encountered coherently. Case, you remember the scene in Waking Life where the old guy does his speil which ends in 'The answer to that can be found in another question, and that's this: Which is the most universal human characteristic - fear, or laziness?' (He is talking about the inability of the majority of the human race to reach anywhere near their full potential.)

I realised then that FEAR is something I recognise and admit to and almost always do whatever it takes to overcome. I know it is a trick of the ego and I try never to fall for it. But LAZINESS... laziness I would never admit to, never accept, always always deny the existence of. And so what do you think happens to me? I am plagued by laziness - it begins to work better on me that fear! So, I wonder, what does laziness want? It wants to avoid, and it wants to preserve. I know for a fact that physical tiredness is an amazingly gratifying sensation when work has been done towards harmony, which means that laziness and the urge to always rest is ego's newest attempt to prevent progress - and like I said, it works better on me than fear because I will never admit to being 'lazy'. And I am not lazy. My true, divine self has never heard of this strange condition. At times I have worked so hard for what I believe in that my body has all but given up, and it is the greatest feeling I know.

I take this new understanding as a piece of pure evidence of successful human contact with God. I know because when I ask with my heart instead of my mind, I always recieve an answer. If you are open to receive the messages tangibly, and you are open to consider what it is you really want, the true divine desire of your soul, there is nothing you can't work out. Nothing you can't achieve, one step at a time. I am moving forward now, excited for the next page of my story, determined to unfold the perfect plan written by my soul. And this is how I will change the world.

A Day in the Life of this Palagi

So, since I'm living in it, I don't find my life here particularly exciting, but I think my family is interested in it to some degree, so I could go through 'a day in the life', I guess.

I wake up in my fancy double bed inside my modern house. The developed side of Apia is a world away from the villages - which are actually just half an hour away. The house I live in is actually a big step up from where I last lived in Australia - in a tent or sharing a caravan on the farm. Except for the absence of hot water (boo hoo, in the hottest country in the world, surely) I am totally safe and comfortable. The water goes off sometimes and you can't drink it straight from the tap but the electricity so far is constant and the Samoan family in front of us mean that we feel pretty protected (you can't even see our house from the street). And anyway our particular village (only one street) is pretty quiet. Except for the dogs...

So, I suck it up and have a bloody freezing cold shower (past the swearing, cursing stage, almost through the grit-your-teeth-and-bear-it phase, on the way to enjoying it!) I don't know how they get the water so cold like that, must be deep underground. I walk to work, or I walk to the bus - oh the bus, a beloved pasttime - (I am still working on the photo situation) The buses are wooden, they play Samoan music very loudly and they fill up so far past capacity you are just waiting for the scraping sound. 'Si'i' means 'get up so I can sit underneath you'. They stop whereever you want, just bang your coin against the window loud enough to be heard over the pumping tinny r&b, and have a guess at the fare charge. One tala should do it (about 50 cents).

On the way to work (a 40 minute walk) I get to have a look at how Samoans live. That's another thing, privacy is a big joke here, no one lives alone, and traditionally the houses are completely, unreservedly open for all to see inside. Something else, Samoans are incredibly houseproud. Or garden-proud, at least. Often they take a broom to the garden bed, and SWEEP it 'clean'. They then proceed to burn all loose organic matter on a regular basis. This is part of a different rant, soon to come when I gather enough information. Suffice to say for now this practice sucks.

At work, for the moment at least, I write. I write and write and write, and right now I've got writers block and I can't write anymore, alright? In the end I will post what I have written, but it's got a long way to go yet.

In the afternoons, I become sporty now! (sortof). I play netball Tuesdays and Thursdays, outrigging on Wednesdays, I try to get in some Serious Dancing on Friday nights (which must involve Vialima, the national beer - you don't understand, the music is so ridiculously bad you have to get drunk to dance to it) and Saturday usually involves some sort of swimming activity. I should go down and play Ultimate Frisby with everyone on Monday, but I'm not so keen on it because I'm so unco. Sunday enforced rest, or sometimes a disapproved-of beach mission. I am devouring the books I can get, which is a limited supply.

My good friend gave me his yoghurt maker to borrow while he's in Germany, so I'm making yoghurt which is very exciting. I'm going to make a full inventory of everything you can get in the supermarkets here one day - American imports, different kinds of transfats and glucose and salt. The healthiest thing is baked beans. But nutritional awareness and obesity is a whole separate entry again.